Should I wait for dinner like Mom said or just eat this cupcake now?
Kids are faced with choices every day. As kids mature, their choices increase in number and complexity. Instead of deciding what to wear today, some kids are choosing whether to engage in drugs or sexual behavior.
Teaching kids how to make positive choices at an early age helps set them in the right direction. But learning how to make the right decisions takes confidence and mental maturity. Kids need a firm understanding (and acceptance) of who they are and the ability to process the consequences of their actions.
Here are some ideas to develop your child’s ability to make positive choices:
Give choice an opportunity to grow
Naturally, you want to protect your child and keep him safe – physically, emotionally and mentally. While your intent may good, controlling a child’s every decision actually hinders more than they helps. Give choice an opportunity to develop by letting your child make some decisions for himself. Having the freedom to make personal choices builds your child’s confidence.
Start slow and keep it simple
Sometimes having a choice is overwhelming, especially when there are too many of them! Gradually ease your child into the decision-making process by offering narrowing down the options at first: Would you rather wear your blue shirt today or the red one? As your child becomes comfortable making personal choices, allow them to make choices that affect the entire family: What do you think we should make for breakfast today?
Define “positive choice”
Talk to your child about what makes a positive choice, and then offer real-life situations that demonstrate positive choices in action. For example, you might describe a positive choice as a decision that follows the rules, helps others feel better and does more good than harm.
Listen and inquire first
Giving your kids the power to make positive choices begins with listening and asking questions. Instead of giving directions or making demands, work to understand your child’s perspective then ask questions to help them clarify their choice, “I understand that you were upset with your sister, so you hit her. How do you think she felt when that happened?” Listening and asking questions helps your child unravel the decision-making process.
Allow your child to fail
Often parents will reclaim control of their child’s choices as a way to protect them from failure. Mistakes are a natural part of life and are vital learning experiences at any age. Allowing your child to make decisions and stumble along the way teaches them how to handle mistakes in the future. If you’re constantly coming to the rescue your child’s sense of self-confidence and their ability to make positive choices diminishes.
Question: What other ideas do you have to help kids make more positive choices? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
image credit: guy schmidt via Flickr.com
