In life, change happens. Although my desire is for every child to experience a stable life that offers the security of a predictable future, I know that’s unrealistic.
Change is a natural (and necessary) part of life. Teaching children how to move through change is a life skill that we can’t afford to ignore.
Some change is good, like when a child graduates from elementary school to enter middle school. Other changes feel bad, like when parents divorce. But in all change – good or bad – there are things we can do to equip children to more easily navigate the process.
Talk about the change. When change is difficult, our desire is to protect our children as much as possible. We avoid talking about the change because we don’t want to hurt them. But, remaining silent about change is far worse than talking about it. Be available to talk through the change with your child. For example, if you’re moving to a new city, talk about how fun it will be, how hard it will be to say “good-bye” to friends, and what to expect along the way.
Listen to their fears and concerns. Acknowledge the fears, worry, anxiety, excitement, sadness, and whatever other emotions your child may be feeling. Avoid saying things like, “Oh, don’t be silly. You’ll be fine!” Instead, let them express their raw feelings and respond to them with empathy, “Yes, it will be hard to see your mom and me be apart. It’s difficult for us too.”
Involve them as much as possible. When life changes for a child, there is sense they have lost control of a cherished part of their life. One day they’re standing on solid ground, and the next, the ground is crumbling beneath them. Help them regain solid footing by letting them take an active role in the change. For example, if a beloved pet passes away unexpectedly, your child might want to memorialize the pet’s life in a special way. Let her.
Maintain routines elsewhere. Children find comfort in routines. While change may be occurring in one area of a child’s life, seek ways to simplify and maintain routines in other areas. Routines keep everyone grounded and secure during times of transition.
Do your part. As parents, educators and mentors, we must be the anchor in what feels like a violently rocky ocean. Your role in change is to be a stable and positive lifeline for a child. When you are confident about the change, that strength will rub off.
Change can be hard for everyone. When the natural flow of life is disrupted, feelings of anxiety and stress, combined with a sense of anticipation and excitement, often bubble to the surface. But when you use these ideas, you can prepare your child (and yourself) to handle the change in a positive, productive way.
What other ideas would you add?
image credit: Francis Bourgouin
