It’s easy to overlook the affect we have on children. We tell ourselves that children are resilient. They are more malleable, so if they see us screw up they’ll get over it. But let’s not take that belief too far.
Children are watchful beings and they soak up everything they see like thirsty sponges. So while our behaviors and actions may not have an immediate affect on them, there is an affect (even if it comes to full fruition much later in their lives).
Of course, we can’t be perfect. That’s impossible and striving for perfection is unhealthy. Instead, I suggest taking an intentional approach to mentoring. It’s an approach that ramps up your self-awareness so that you’re not living life with blinders on. Instead, you’re consciously making choices that not only enable your success, but also enable the success of the children around you.
It’s called “intentional mentoring” and gives anyone, whether engaged in a formal mentoring relationship or not, the ability to mentor children. This approach has you look beyond yourself to realize the individual impact you have on those around you, especially children.
Intentional mentoring involves:
Being proactive. Being proactive means more than responding to issues before they become problems. It’s really about taking personal responsibility for your beliefs, actions and behaviors. Teach personal responsibility to children by demonstrating it yourself.
Having a dream. What’s your dream? Ask a child, and he’ll excitedly tell you his wild, fanciful aspirations. Yet for most adults, dreams were lost years ago. You must have a vision and keep the ones in children alive. Dreams give hope, and we need more of that.
Aligning priorities with values. Most of us have a personal moral code that informs our actions and behaviors. But sometimes, external pressures push those values away. We react, rather than respond, teaching children to do the same. It’s important to first, know what you value most, and then consistently act in a manner that aligns with those values.
Looking beyond our own needs. We ask children to share all the time, but rarely put the needs of others ahead of our own (at least in a genuine way). In every interaction, seek ways to that produce a “win” for all sides. It’s not always easy. It takes more time. But it’s a lesson in humility and understanding we all need more of.
Filling accounts. In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey introduces the idea of an “emotional bank account,” where we each make deposits and withdrawals from our relational accounts with others. Actively seek ways to fill the accounts of others, and don’t forget to fill your own account; it’s important to replenish yourself.
Ultimately, intentional mentoring is about being conscious – awake to the affect we have on the world around us, and the children in it.
What are some other ways we can be more intentional?
image credit: Jasmic
