American author and civil rights activist James Baldwin expressed it perfectly, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
It’s a known fact – kids are keen observers. They watch your every move. They learn as much from your actions as they do your words. So, what you say must align with what you do.
This is especially true today. We live in a time when children are exposed to a variety of negative influences – from the media to the classroom. It’s impossible to protect them from every negative influence, but you can arm your children with character traits that will help them handle life issues effectively and with integrity. And it starts with modeling the behavior you want to see.
For example, if you have a habit of speaking negatively and with an edge of frustration, chances are you’ll see similar behavior when your child is interacting with her friends. But when you model dialogue that is based in kindness and respect, especially during times of conflict, it’s likely that your child will learn how to interact with others more effectively.
There are many, many character traits that can help a child manage tough decisions, challenging relationships and other life issues. Each child will have unique needs and circumstances that will let you know which traits to work on first. However, I’ve found that the following five traits are essential to model from a young age:
- Trustworthiness: A mother who promises to spend time playing with her son, but repeatedly fails to do so is teaching the child to be unreliable. When children see a pattern of broken promises and unfulfilled commitments, they learn that lack of follow-through is an acceptable norm.
- Confidence: Children find security in adults who show faith and an assurance on oneself, or others. But an adult who constantly doubts his decisions, expresses uncertainty about his abilities or uses self-deprecating language, is modeling behavior that negatively affects a child’s ability to handle challenges.
- Positive attitude: Beliefs create reality. If you model a negative attitude that always sees the worst in situations, then that pessimism will trickle down to your children. But when you adopt a more positive perspective, your child will demonstrate stronger confidence in the future.
- Encouraging: Every person deserves the gift of hope. When you genuinely offer praise and encouragement, you instill confidence and also model behavior your child can pass on as she inspires hope to others.
- Imagination: Life is full of curve balls and challenges that require creative thinking and action. When faced with a problem, you can model imagination by thinking aloud: I have this problem. I wonder what I could do…? Allow your child to brainstorm ideas with you, and then choose the next best step together. A child is full of curiosity and imagination. Access those qualities to overcome challenges!
This is by no means an exhaustive list of necessary character traits we can model for children. What more would you add?
