“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view — until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
Empathy. Harper Lee captured the essence of it so well in the novel To Kill a Mockingbird. Empathy is a skill that is commonly taught to those who enter the field of education, social work or human services. Business schools and leadership development programs need to catch up. It’s rare to find “empathy” as a topic for discussion.
Empathy is thought to be a “soft skill” and often described as a feminine leadership trait. Instead, many in the business world attribute leadership to strength, courage and conviction — words that carry a more masculine tone.
Now, this post isn’t intended to create a divide between men and women in leadership. There is a difference in the way in which men lead and women lead — that is undisputed. However, there are valuable lessons we can draw from each leadership style. Empathy is one of those lessons.
Empathy is a valuable, unspoken leadership trait that increases understanding and fosters trust — two essential elements of a leader-follower relationship. When you can see a situation from another’s point of view, you gain insight that enables you to make better decisions.
More important, empathy builds commonality where you may not agree with another, but you can genuinely say, “I understand your point of view.” From that place of understanding the possibilities are limitless. Empathy is the foundation for innovation, teamwork and more.
Being empathetic can be a challenge. After all, we are taught from the time we are toddlers about outward communication — “Aw…she said her first word!” Yet, very little time is devoted to inward communication, or listening for mutual understanding, in our lifetimes.
There are small steps you can take to develop empathy:
1. Listen with your mouth closed. It is impossible to be empathetic if you’re doing most of the talking. This means also turning off your internal chatter that may be formulating what you’ll say once the other person stops talking.
2. Notice body language. It’s said that the “eyes are the window of the soul,” which speaks to the importance of body language. Sometimes what is being said isn’t always the real message. For instance, if you ask a teenager, “How was your day?” A common response is, “Fine.” But if that response is coupled with downward gazing eyes and a twist of the hair, it may mean something is not fine.
3. Be interested. People are watching your body language too. When you’re engaged in a conversation show a genuine interest in the other person. Eliminate any distractions that may pull you away.
4. Dig deeper. Be curious. Get to know others by asking questions and encouraging them to be open. While professional lines should be maintained, it’s nice to know personal tidbits about people as it gives you insights to their motivation.
5. Personalize your interactions. Something powerful happens when someone remembers your name. You feel important. You feel seen. You feel like you matter. This simple act is a doorway to a truly empathic leader-follower relationship.
