I speak often on the importance of being a mentor to others. Today, I thought I’d flip the conversation and share what it means to be the mentee, or person being mentored.
It’s my firm belief that mentorships matter. As a people, we cannot succeed alone. While an individual may enjoy success, true success only comes from the synergies created when two or more come together in a partnership relationship, support relationship, or combination of the two.
A basic tenant of any strong relationship is reciprocal value. Both parties must benefit from the relationship in a positive way. Mentorships work in the same way, yet many experience it as a very lopsided relationship where the mentor is putting in more effort than the mentee. This leaves many would-be mentors hesitant, responding to a mentee’s request with the common, “I’m sorry. I just don’t have time.”
As a mentee, what you get out of a mentoring relationship depends to a large extent on how much you are willing to invest.
What you invest into a mentoring relationship may vary. For example, as a new CEO several years ago, I had to deliver my first public address at an annual fundraiser. I wanted my message to be meaningful and inspire my audience to act, but I knew I needed help. I enlisted the support of a successful leadership coach, Debra Benton, who helped me refine my presentation.
Her advice was direct. It challenged me. It forced me to change. Even still, I accepted her advice and on the night of the fundraiser delivered a speech that the audience described as funny and engaging. Sometimes the best thing you can give to a mentor is a willing attitude.
But there is more. To foster a strong mentoring relationship that reaps benefits for you and your mentor, consider these ideas:
1. Know what you want. Before approaching a potential mentor, spend time thinking about what you want from the relationship. What is the goal? You must be clear about your expectations so you know who to approach and how the relationship might work.
2. Get the inside scoop. Now that you know what you want to achieve from the relationship, conduct research on potential mentors. Study their background to determine whether the person has the skills, experience and knowledge to fit your needs. Also try to determine what you might give to this mentor based on what you know.
3. Be clear about your roles. Mentors listen, offer objective opinions and help you to consider various options. They don’t make decisions for you, nor do they do the “heavy lifting” for you. That’s your job. Be prepared to receive feedback and do the work it takes to achieve your goals. As the adage goes, “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me!” Your mentor will be there to cheer you on, but won’t make your plays for you.
